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It has definitely been a while since I have written!! I probably wouldn't even be writing now, if a dear friend hadn't asked me about it the other night.

It's almost the New Year, and yet again, I am still single, still without any plans, and very bored.

Lots of things have happened since the last time I wrote. Number one, Christmas break! Much drama among the household, but hey, what is a holiday without any family drama?

I graduate in July, which I am very excited, yet overwhelmed at the very same time! Many things have to be thought out and well planned, like, oh say, where I'm going to live when my college journey FINALLY ends, where I might find a job, if I actually make it in the "real world" as they call it, and if I may ever get that very special someone.

Of course, I am very aware that I cannot do it all alone. God absolutely has to be there when I make all of those very tough decisions and such, and He is definitely the one ruling in the dating life, or--ahem-- the lack there of. I have come to the conclusion that there are some things I may have to work on when it comes to getting the one thing every girl wants, that special guy.

I am no good at making, let alone keeping, Resolutions. I gave up on those way back, you know a grand total of like 4 years, being that I'm only 21 years old. I do hope that I can continue to grow closer to God (maybe He will find favor and send me my man!) I am definitely sure that He gets very tired of hearing me complain about it, that's for sure!

.:La Musica:.

Music is powerful. It can control the very mood you are in.

If you listen to happy, vibrant music, most likely, you will be in a happy mood.

The same goes for other types or genres as well. I find myself being conformed to the music and feeling the way the artist expresses his or herself. If they present themselves as angry, my mood may change to dreary and unhappy.

Often times, I listen to music to make me feel better. Sometimes, if I am in a less than okay mood, I listen to what I call "angry music" because I feel that I can relate to how the artist is feeling.

On most days, you will find me listening to what I call "Jesus Music." It makes me feel good, and, I don't have to worry about anger or depression.

.:Addiction:.

Late last night I realized that I have an unhealthy addiction.

It's not what you automatically think when you hear the word (addiction). It's more of an addiction to love, and generally, I look to books to find it.

I am currently reading a series, for the second time, that I will not mention, because to some of you, it would seem rediculous, when I say that I find truelove here.

I do not read the gushy romance novels that most women pick up; those to me are like porn in words. I don't like. it.

I find love in the book I am currently reading in the language used, the way the girl acts in stupid ways just to see or hear her lover. I can feel her unrequited love as she finally opens up after he leaves, "for her sake."

She loves him. I want to love like that, and be loved like that. So much, that when I'm not in the presence of that person, I begin to anticpate just seeing them the next time.

God's love for us is the same way. I know that he loves me so much, that when I am hurting, he is there to lift me up. I can find love in him, and he can return that love to me. The unrelenting power of love is what draws me in. It has a magnetic force so strong, that standing in the wake of it makes me sway, gently, until I feel it.

Eyes.Looking.Back

Often times, I struggle with things that life throws at me, and sometimes wonder if I have made the right decision.

There have been events recently that have made me just wonder why I even continue to be apart of that life.

I, along with God's help, have made the decision to cut myself off from those people who have called me friend, but now I wonder if they really meant it.

It is best for me. For my relationship with God, and for my sanity and life in general.

God has made it possible for me to make these decisions. Sometimes through song, and other times through actions of people.

Yes, it is hard for me to just drop what I'm comfortable with, but it had to be done.

I have debated finding the counseling center at my school, but I never seem to "find the time."

As of now, I am relying, again, on God, and real friends who actually care.

Well.Maybe.I'm.Wrong

My mind seems to work too much sometimes.

I over, or I even over-analyze. That's just how I am.

Even if there is nothing to think about, I think anyhow, just for something to do.

Lately, I have been thinking, just when might God see it cool to let me in on a little secret.

Every time I think it, I get hit with something like, "You have to wait," or my favorite, "I know what I'm doing, so just give me the reigns and let me handle this little thing called love for you."

Yes, so I said it, LOVE. The four letter word no one seems to wan to talk about, unless you are actually in love.

I often times THINK about love, not the familial love, but a love only found between a man and a woman. Then, God reminds me that I have that covenant love with Him, and that I never really have to worry about where I can get love. All I have to do is look up.

Smile.Guys Like It

In recent endeavors, my Psych. of Human Sexuality class has discussed some pretty out there things, things that no one EVER wants to talk about. Today, however, was a day that I will never forget.



As we were drawing near the end, we began discussing flirting, after all, today's class was about attraction. Here is what I learned:

Women all over the world flirt with the same sequence:

*Smile, lifts eyebrows, drops eyelids, tilts head to the side, then looks away, may giggle, and use hands to cover face.

Men all over the world also flirt with the same sequence of behaviors:

*Stand tall, smile, chest thrust, gaze...eye language.

I realized something about myself today: I do every single one of these things, when speaking to a guy.

Ladies, take a look at yourself, I'm sure you do all them too...

that is all

Fire.God.Me

I took this at the lake up the road from my house. It is photo shoped a little for color emphasis, but the ring was there when I took it. To me, it symbalizes God's continuity that we can find in Him. He is continuous and never failing.

At the University I attend, we have to go to chapel every week. Thursday, I went, and the music was fantastic. The song that touched me most, was the song You Won't Relent by Misty Edwards. the words settled in, and I realized how close God wants us to be to Him.

When I go to this same spot on the lake, I feel closer to God, like I could reach out and touch His face. It's so awesome....